Two Tickets to Merchandise: Kid Rock

Two Tickets to Merchandise: Kid Rock

Two Tickets to Merchandise is a new, ongoing feature profiling notable music merch.

As a teenager, the late '90s was an American hellscape for new music. The Internet hadn't fully developed into a resource for discovery. The main media sources were MTV, radio, and magazines. At the time, all three were pushing teen bubblegum pop like Britney and NSYNC. And if you didn't like that, rap-rock from the likes of Korn and Limp Bizkit was your alternative. It was at this moment that Kid Rock emerged. 

One of the record companies must have seen the rap-rock trend and went in big on Kid Rock, because he was being painted as an outlaw, Mid-Western star by the media. He developed a strange bromance with MTV's Carson Daly, who eventually went on to propose to Tara Reid and I'm not even totally sure those two things are connected but you gotta wonder. Hell, at the height of their powers, Spin Magazine and Rolling Stone put Kid Rock on their covers.

Having already somehow found the willpower to stomach several rap-rock albums at that point, I eventually gave in and bought Kid Rock's Devil Without A CauseWith a couple minor exceptions (the Fleetwood Mac ripoff wasn't bad for 1999?), the songs on it never really sounded good, per say, and they didn't improve with more listens. They just kinda were.

Somehow, Kid Rock managed to parlay his late '90s success into a career. And for that, I'll give him credit. He was married to Pamela Anderson for a day and a half or so. He did a fairly well-received duet with Sheryl Crow. And, supposedly, he has a good live show.

Another area Kid Rock has also staked his claim is as a conservative musician. Of course, you can be a Republican and also a rock star, they're not mutually exclusive. The crazy, outspoken, crackpot Republican rock star is a far more rare breed.

For years, it seemed as though that throne was filled by Ted Nugent, but Kid Rock is now threatening to overtake the 'Nuge, and his latest merch is one big step in that direction. 

Yes, this is an actual shirt for sale on Kid Rock's website.

Wait, so why wasn't Kid Rock invited to perform at Donald Trump's inauguration?

I mean, he already made merch telling everyone who doesn't like Trump to suck the letter D and everything. 

Did 3 Doors Down make blowjob-referencing Trump merch?

They did not. 

Amen, brothers and sisters. Cow-boy, baby.

Why is Kid Rock selling truck-stop-level Donald Trump t-shirts? I dunno, but his label, Warner Brothers, is apparently cool with it.

Did you think Kid Rock was just selling two Trump shirts? You are mistaken.

Guess Kid Rock won't be hitting venues in blue states— aka Dumbfuckistan—anytime soon? 

Did you think we were done now?


This hat just feels kinda lazy after the t-shirts, but I guess whatever. 

If you were wondering what Kid Rock's non-Trump related merchandise looks like, scroll on you American® Bad Ass™!

"Hey man, thanks for coming to our Super Bowl party."

"Sure thing, here's some Bud Light."

"Yes! Is that a Raiders jersey or..."


"Oh... cool. Good thing our kids can't read yet... haha."

Is it still a Canadian Tuxedo if the denim is screen-printed on a t-shirt?

Fellas, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. 

Okay, okay, almost done. 

Going to try and end things on a semi-positive note...

So I guess Kid Rock does an annual Fish Fry concert thing in Nashville (why not DE-TROY-T, BITCH!?!?!) and this is from that.

It's fine, right?

Not bad?

It's okay.

It's going to be... okay.

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